Your Story

I am posing a question for anyone interested in playing a game of “Ask Me Tell Me” with me. If you are not interested in playing, I hope you get to enjoy a few answers from others who might be feeling adventurous.

Tell me in the comments about your most cherished relationship or relationships. How did you meet them? How do they make you better than you were before them? How did your relationship blossom into whatever it is today?

Maybe I am stuck in a moment of awareness of mortality, of how the loss of someone close to us closes a book on their version of a story. I have a slew of interesting friends and family members and – inevitably – we’re all getting older.

Weird how that happens, right?

I think I have taken for granted how many stories I think I know. I have heard my mom talk about aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, and even friends. She has told stories of how people have met, how we relate to each other, and – the ever popular – of drama.

If I am being honest, despite her contribution to the ever-blooming visual of my family tree and our circle of friends, I do not know how so-and-so met and married so-and-so or how this kid relates to that kid and how that applies to me.

So think about the relationships that mean the most to you. Who are they (or were they, if that applies)? How did you find yourself attached to them? How does your relationship with them define you? If it is a child, tell me how they have shaped you.

If sharing your story publicly in the comments is not your cup of tea, I would welcome the story in my inbox or on Facebook Messenger. I hope to have some players for “Ask Me Tell Me” this week.

One thought on “Your Story

  1. Hmm…

    I could write about a bunch of people and all the ways they have shaped me. Yet, my most cherished relationship is with my husband and best friend, Brian. When I met him I did not know how much we would relay on each other in the almost 20 years of courtship. We have faced many happy and difficult situations together. Thankfully have moved through them without drifting apart.

    Here are some of the many circumstances we have seen through together.

    Let’s start with the bad…

    mental health
    lost friendships
    caregiving for the elderly
    family drama
    friend drama
    infidelity of family/friends
    the divorce of family/friends
    loved ones dealing with addiction
    getting up in the middle of the night to help someone out in need
    moving 9 times
    owning nine pets 6 cats 2 fish 1 dog
    losing pets and putting down pets
    multiple miscarriages
    infertility counseling
    autoimmune illness
    couples counseling
    family counseling
    individual counseling
    cost of living
    cost of conceiving
    cost of everything
    cost of self-care
    medical insurance
    reprocessed cars
    overdrawn bank accounts
    paying the bills of loved ones
    sibling loss
    job loss

    End with the good…

    Our relationship is strong
    We are homeowners in San Jose (one of the most expensive cities in the country)
    I run my own business – Doing an occupation I love and thrive at each day.
    We take time to vacation and replenish our musical souls.
    We seek friendships that are meaningful, balanced, and reflect our beliefs about community.
    Financially we are surviving the high-cost of living in California.
    We have vehicles to get us to where we need to be and they’re reliable.
    We are both employed.
    We are growing in our occupations and working towards new goals.
    We are working towards individual personal goals and dreams.
    Mentally we have taken the steps to be better in our communication with family and friends.
    We meet each other emotionally and accept one another personal struggles and work towards providing support versus criticism.
    We have asserted boundaries with our time and relationships with others.
    We have two cats.
    We support and cheer each other on when we are not feeling our best.
    We care give for one another in times of crisis, doubt, and illness
    We know more about reproductive health and the physiology of the body
    We take time to make health a priority
    Each day we know we cannot control or contain the outcomes and happenings around us and lean towards acceptance.
    We have medical insurance but continue to seek holistic options, first!
    We love children but we know being a parent does not define us, or our relationship or how the outside world perceives us.
    In conflict, we work towards an understanding of each other’s point of view versus resentment and anger.

    I’m so happy we have one another when I look at this list of experiences we’ve shared. I do not think I could navigate these events on my own.

    I’m not sure if I understood or appreciated this until we got older and further in our time together.

    As you’ve highlighted in your post. “We are getting older!” I feel I’ve reached the sweet 40-year spot of contentment and peace.

    I used to look at my parents’ relationship and question their time/relationship together since I thought they were always bickering and nitpicking at each other. It was not until recently that I had an appreciation for the experiences a couple shares and all the intricacies that go into staying together and committed to the vows of marriage.
    Sometimes I think it can be easy to vision wanting to separate and walk away when times are challenging. It wasn’t until I thought more about the latter of starting all over again and establishing a new relationship elsewhere that I realized that every relationship has meaning and it ultimately up to you if you want to make it work and approach the other about the steps of being in it together and being fully committed.

    Now when I look at my parents I have a different perspective about their approaches and bickering and see it as the fruits of time and comfort with someone you have built trust and dedication with, despite the hardships and victories along the way.

    I feel bashful for not seeing that in them earlier or reflecting on my own behaviors of judgment towards them for not understanding a path in which they have been on long before me and the personal investment they have carved out in their hearts and minds for each other and their union.

    It’s a conversation Brian and I have reflected on often in the past year. We often reflect on both of our parents’ relationships and in turn, have credited them with being vibrant role models in how to live and how to be in a relationship.

    I do not often share the many things that have happened in our time together or the current happening in our life, now. It’s because I’ve have found the person in which I choose to share that part of me and me, him.

    Our conversation has now turned into how to prepare one another in times in which the other is not here. Not because we are morbid! It is because we love each other so fully that we do not want the time to slip past us and the other not have some substance of what we want for the other person if that time should arrive.

    In our time together we’ve seen, witnessed many happy and sad times. We have found comfort in being open and honest in every aspect of our life even if it’s uncomfortable. We’d rather have had an opportunity to be present and rational in our thoughts then suffer through regret and grief.

    Time is so precious and storytelling is a fundamental tool in our legacy and spirit it should be carried into the future for others to share.

    Thanks for asking your questions and opening this conversation, it has been a cathartic release of thoughts and emotions. These thoughts have been stirring and swirling in my head for some time.

    I hope my share is helpful to you.


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