Previously On…


I wanted to start off with something cheesy.

“When we last left our hero…”

“In our last episode…”

“Previously on AmandaZahn.com…”

None of those feel like an adequate start after a 5-year absence. Truth be told, I do not feel like a hero – although others have called me one – and my life does not feel like a series of episodes. My last post was a desperate (is there a stronger word for “desperate?”) attempt at maintaining the cathartic dedication of my writing.

It failed.

It failed so horribly that I not only did not continue writing publicly, I ceased writing completely. I kept no journals. I wrote no notes. I did not copy quotes and phrases that inspired me with the intent to expand on them later. I did not make mental notes of news that impacted me so I could talk about it with myself.

I had a lot to talk about, but my voice was gone.

I lied to myself for a while.

“It’s just a break.”

“Inspiration will come.”

“I don’t need to write to feel better.” (That one was a hard pill to force down my throat.)

In the end, I sank into a bitter unhappiness built upon shattering grief, disappointment, and a slew of other, smaller feelings. I won’t expand on them right now.

So here I am. I hope you’ll again welcome me into your regular reading and I hope my writing allows you to walk away with something positive. I have some kinks and cobwebs to work out. Already this post feels sloppy, rushed. However, I do not want to fall into a trap of ‘it’s not good enough; I’m not ready for this.”

I won’t.

I am better than my self-doubt and I will again find the healing power in my own words.

Cheers, friends, and happy reading.

One thought on “Previously On…

Comment

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s