This Is Madness


I am writing a blog before 10pm. That is blasphemy and is totally against my need to procrastinate. Why the special occasion? I have no idea, but it has happened.

I cannot explain why, but the last couple of days I have really wanted to be back in Seattle. This is strange for me because we were only there for a few weeks while Matt cleared his apartment, but I loved every minute of it. The proximity to many friends, the climate, and the healthy lifestyle that seems to permeate the region impacted me in a positive way and I was sad to leave.

Ugh, sometimes I wish someone up there had hired me.

As I continue the waiting process for a board date for the Army, I find the days just plodding along. They are good days, it is true, but not knowing the answers or where I will be later this year really causes me stress.

I love having so much time to spend with Matt and – when they are not working – my mom and Eric, but I know that money will become an issue in a while. This bothers me because I know I am contributing nothing. On a good note, I do own my car and Matt and I have paid off the more serious half of my student loans. Our bills are limited to the phones, sustenance, and monthly “stuff” – like taekwondo – and the last half of my student loans.

Money aside, there are dozens of other reasons that I long for the day I go to the board and get the answers I need. If the answers are in my favor, then there will be a lot of planning to do. If they are not, there will still be a lot of planning to do, but it will be in more of a Plan B, C, and D mentality.

I have put thought into what happens if nothing goes my way, but I do not want to linger there. Those considerations are necessary, but that does not make them easier. I hope it is not something that I have to face, but I have dealt with much worse in my life and come through it a winner.

I have not really touched on any sort of planning for the marriage ceremony (reception?) Matt and I want to do in December. Now I see why people suggest doing things all at once, as opposed to splitting the wedding and the family gathering. I can also see how the family event can get pushed to the wayside with life constantly interfering.

Darn that silly “life” thing that keeps happening.

This all goes back to not knowing where I will be in a month, in three months, in six months. August needs to HAPPEN, and it needs to do it quickly. There is no need to rush, but expediting the process would be awesome for me, for us.

I really, really want to have all the people I care about in one place to celebrate together. December is looking more and more fleeting, but what about January? February? Where the heck am I going to be then? In the end it does not matter. By then I will have answers and will likely be executing plans. Either way I will be with Matt and that gives me an element of peace in spite of all my stressing.

I am looking for ideas. Aside from the constant support from my friends and family, I had four people step forward and write letters on my behalf. It is easy to say I want to do something nice for them, but I feel the generic gift basket or gift card is too…, well, generic. If you had to thank someone for putting their word and reputation behind you, how would you do it?

Comments are welcomed and will not ruin any surprise element because I must approve comments before they are visible to the world.

As usual, I had a list of things I wanted to discuss. I wanted to rant and rave over the Chick-fil-A hoopla, I wanted to complain about NBC’s constant missteps with the Olympic broadcasts, and I wanted to reiterate my love of martial arts. Sadly, the thoughts either slipped my mind or they border dangerously close to “talkin’ politics”, something I do not typically enjoy.

Being a college student was much easier for me. I knew where to be and when – just like my time in the Army – and I knew my plans for the future, even if it was only the immediate future. I miss my friends, I miss the challenge, and I miss the wealth of information available in each of the instructors.

It makes me feel better to know, however, that I could not ever be a career student. I could not afford it and I do eventually get the urge to DO something.

Note for this week: start saving interesting blogs and articles. I read dozens of them and always say I should talk about them or post them somewhere. Facebook just is not cutting it for posting the good reads. Addressing this week though!

One thought on “This Is Madness

  1. Yup, many many of my friends who ran off to get married for one reason or another said they would “have the family ceremony later on” or “save up for the real wedding” etc…and just never did. I think that after you get married and start planning and living life…it does just fall out of importance. Other things come up and there isn’t time or money for two weddings, sadly. It isn’t the end of the world though, as you know.

    And I know you are wondering (stressing about) where you will be and what you will be doing at the end of this year and a year from now etc, but I am excited to see what comes up for you and what ends up falling into place. I know something will fall into place, as these things often seem to, that you will be excited and happy about 🙂

    Like

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